Starbucks cafe has been a haven for me today, offering a place for me to navigate through my emotions. It’s been a taxing day, punctuated once more by the aggravation from a harmful individual in my life. This person, someone I’ve known since my childhood, used to believe that being older gave him the right to dominate my life. His aggression, both verbally and physically, shattered my spirit as I grew up. There was an instance where he nearly took my life and my father’s with a bolo. Multiple times he resorted to striking or shouting. The physical difference is stark as this man is significantly larger than me, so when he opted to hit his younger sister under the pretense of control, I was left completely vulnerable. That was long ago, and I am not that defenseless little girl anymore. Yet, this person continues to cause harm in ways that go beyond physical abuse. He resorts to slander, tarnishing my reputation and character among our relatives, creating a different kind of pain that is as destructive, if not more so, than any physical wound.

This pattern of provocation carried on into my adult years. He carried an assumption that his age made him superior and more knowledgeable. Despite the years of torment he imposed, I remained incapable of fighting back. There was a point when I had to distance myself from my home and establish a residence elsewhere, simply to safeguard my well-being and protect my children from a toxic neighborhood. In ironic twists of fate, there have been instances where he ended up in the hospital and we had no choice but to assist. My husband, who also fell victim to his disparaging comments, had to step up to help physically carry this man so he could be brought to the hospital. Additionally, due to his financial shortcomings, I once found myself pleading with his doctor to classify him under a certain category to secure maximum hospitalization discounts.

I share this not to put this person under the spotlight (though, in a sense, I am doing just that. After a lifetime of silence, today marks the turning point where I choose to stand up and confront the issue through Facebook as this platform enables me to express my stand.) I appeal to older brothers who think asserting dominance over their siblings is a way to prove their seniority. It’s a call to men who believe they are superior to their female siblings and a reminder to parents not to cultivate a mindset in their sons that they are innately superior to females. The notion of gender sensitivity may be long-standing, but it is sadly often misinterpreted and exploited by some men.

This is a resounding appeal to all men – brothers, fathers, husbands – to halt any form of abusive behavior. It’s an imperative call for recognition of the harm such actions inflict, not only on the individual receiving the abuse but also on the familial or relational ties themselves. The essence of any relationship, be it fraternal, paternal, or marital, is built upon the foundations of respect, empathy, and love. Any form of abuse undoes these foundational threads, causing lasting damage. It is crucial for every man to foster an environment of emotional safety, dignity, and equality in all their relationships. It’s time to understand that those around them – sisters, daughters, wives – are not beneath them but are equally significant participants in the shared journey of life.

Posted in my facebook account on June 8 2023.